One night 6 years ago
How Mac McAnally reminded me of the time I became an oyster
Last night, we saw Mac McAnally in concert. If you're a Jimmy Buffett fan, then you'll know Mac as his friend, band mate, and co-writer. Seeing Mac made me think of Jimmy, who died in September. Remembering Jimmy reminded me of one of my favorite Buffett songs, Oysters and Pearls.
Repeating the lyrics in my head brought me back to a moment in 2018 when someone called me a diminishing name, when referencing my status as a political spouse.
Thinking about Oysters and Pearls brought me back to that evening, but more importantly, it demonstrated the power of our memories to craft our narratives, as they relates to memoir.
I wrote about this moment in Accidental First Lady as part of a larger narrative on on building my brand as a political spouse, but the trip down memory lane reminded me of the evening, six years ago, when Rick was 2 months into his 2nd term as mayor, his 19th year as a politician. By then, I was a seasoned political spouse. Otherwise, I don’t know whether I would’ve been able to deliver the comeback that flew out of my mouth when a man, who at first seemed genuinely interested in wanting to learn what public life was like for me, called me arm candy.
That’s right. He viewed me as nothing more than an attractive appendage to my successful politician husband.
The words stung. I still remember the rage, degradation, and embarrassment I felt when he cut me off as I tried to answer his question, “What is political life like for you?”
Before I could get two words out, he declared, “You’re really just arm candy, aren’t you?”
I was proud of myself for politely but firmly giving him an earful about how I was more than an accessory. I ended up enjoying the rest of the evening and stored that interaction in the recesses of my memory bank.
Three years later, I was writing Accidental First Lady. Halfway into the process, that memory surfaced as I chronicled poignant moments of transformation and education in my role as an often-unwitting political spouse, and self-described accidental first lady.
Until my retort to the “arm candy” comment, I was quippy comebacks were not my forte. My M.O. was to retreat and brush off slights or insults. The self-assured confidence on display that evening was decades in the making.
That’s just one part of my story of evolution from a naïve yet hopeful political spouse to a seasoned ally and advocate for my husband – but more importantly – for myself.
Storytelling has been around for centuries, and one of my favorites was Jimmy Buffet. More than an ambassador for the bohemian lifestyle made famous by his hit, Margaritaville, he was a poet. I became a fan at 13, when I used babysitting earnings to purchase Volcano for my friend’s 13th birthday party. Still one of my favorites of his, it’s a lesser-known album, Beach House on the Moon, which offers the Oysters and Pearls,
The words contained within that poetic ballad sum up why I chose to take a chance and share my story of life as a political spouse, and first lady of Florida’s 5th largest city.
Some people love to lead
And some refuse to dance.
Some play it safely; others take a chance.
Still, it's all a mystery.
This place we call the world.
Where most live as oysters
While some become pearls.
Cutting and pasting these lines into this post gave me goosebumps. That’s what sharing your innermost thoughts, struggles, fears – and most importantly – your transformation can do.
Sharing that unfortunate interaction as part of the larger story that was my memoir demonstrated how memory provides valuable insights into recalling and portraying our experiences in writing.
Writing memoir requires us to access our memory bank, an arduous task when many of us are focused on the present and future. That’s important, but as memoirists, it’s essential to learn how to effectively reflect on the past to reveal the essence of a particular memory.
Scientists will agree that it’s a complex cognitive process.
Revisiting your past requires the hippocampus to work with other regions in the brain to retrieve stored information. Scientists have long studied the mechanisms behind memory formation and retrieval, shedding light on techniques that can aid in accessing memories more effectively.
Emotions lie at the heart of every memorable memoir. If you can learn how to vividly capture the emotions associated with your memories, then you can create a deeply resonant narrative.
Reflecting on my own writing journey, I've come to appreciate the intricate workings of memory recall. Memory recall strategies I’ve found successful include:
• Looking through photos - which can jog scenes that can remind us of pivotal moments that can lead to a bigger story.
• Engaging the 5 senses - Smells can remind us of specific situations, which can then lead us to a story we thought we’d forgotten. Interview yourself and others. Listening with a writer’s ear allows you to be ready when something either you say, or someone tells you will jog your memory.
• Getting active - take a walk or exercise. Moving the body engages the brain and leaves you open and ready to recall what you think you may have forgotten.
• Journaling and meditation to engage in sensory activities that evoke past sensations. Experiment with different approaches to see what resonates most with you and yields the most fruitful results.
• Harnessing emotions, which are linked to memory and shape our recollections and imbue them with meaning and significance. By tapping into the emotional essence of your experiences, you can convey the full depth and impact of your story to readers, fostering a deeper connection and engagement.
Understanding how memory works can provide valuable insights into how we can effectively recall and portray our experiences in writing. Are you ready to harness the power of memory recall to elevate your memoir writing?
I’d love for you to join me for a free webinar, Three Simple and Powerful Ways to Kickstart Your Memoir. Look for an announcement in the coming weeks, but for now, feel free to download this free guide, Transform Your Narrative, which contains 8 guiding strategies for writing your memoir. Practice engaging your memory bank and see what powerful stories might be waiting to be told.